Time warp

So I just woke up thinking it was 8am. I began preparingly accordingly, as today, unlike most other days, I actually have something to do, i.e., attend my brother's college graduation. Only about 20 minutes into the "day" did I realize that in fact it was 8pm and I had only slept a few hours. Thus instead I went to whole foods and bought an onigiri rice ball, which I hate, I know I hate from multiple, multiple experiences in japan. So who knows why I bought it and promptly ate it. The world is full of mysteries.

OH, la vie....

1. Why are the rubber bands in the copy room too small to go around papers?
2. When was the last time you heard Ani DiFranco?
3. Isn't it kind that the phone company will let you change your phone number for free if the change is due to harassment (otherwise the cost is $25)?
4. You know how you start thinking that the answer to Fridays and how painful they seem would be to do away with Fridays but then you realize it's a sliding scale and you'd eventually have to get rid of all work days and then you wouldn't be able to pay your rent and stupidly you chose to live somewhere where a roof is a necessity?
5. Does Tab energy drink seem somehow like you're just drinking cancer cells?
6. Why do my plants always die as soon as possible?
7. Why do people write nice notes and then write mean ones without intervening event?
8. Isn't it unfair that I went to a school where people were concerned I would be kidnapped such that my fingerprints are in the police database and so I wouldn't be able to get away with a crime, unlike someone whos safety was no one's concern?

Radio

is awful. I include this to encompass my earlier tepid endorsement of pandora. The only radio that really works is the one that turns on in your head after you haven't slept for 72 (maybe less, I forget exactly) hours. It plays precisely the music you want to hear, when you want to hear it. And amazingly, it knows all the words and notes to songs you've only heard once. The brain is a magnificent being. There must be a way to harness that ability to make our lives better, as opposed to having to live this mediocre existence. Oy.

People who keep chats off the record...

Freak me out. Why in the world are you concerned that a casual chat with one of your friends is going to cause some dramatic problem in the future? What's going to happen to your explanation of what happened to you at work that day? Who are you imagining cares? And then it just makes me think that this person is up to some horrific nefarious affair that I am going to end up being associated with because I chatted with him. Like seriously, it seems like only a serial killer would need to take a chat off the record. I would appreciate hearing other opinions. bisous.

Blackberry password...

is going to be the death of me. I'd like to have a serious discussion about the necessity of this implementation. I mean, somehow the secrets of the company weren't released to the general public during all the time I've gone sans password. How was this magic achieved?!?
Okay yes I'm just being obnoxious and bitter. And remarkably, only over one faulty attempt at entering the password late last night. Imagine if I had a serious problem getting into it? I probably would have staged a protest by now.
Apart from that, I don't think I can listen to any of the music on my ipod anymore. It inevitably ends up depressing the hell out of me.
Oh and I packed far too many green beans for lunch. I'm thinking this will be today and tomorrow's lunch.

TV

World's best television show ever - Lifetime's Fat Like Me. This is so hysterically intense I almost can't stand it.

Today's second doctor's visit...

"Well of course, because you're a lawyer you would know this is insurance fraud."
"Um, well, actually that's entirely outside my area of expertise. Basically anything that doesn't have to do with getting debt for a company is news to me. And soon taxation. But for now, just debt."

I must say, however, that I am determined to make it through the end of the day, that being a matter of hours away. I don't know how I am going to do it, but it is going to get done. I think with the help of stimulants.

Tomorrow is a day off from doctor's visits, rather exciting really not to be describing your everyday life and have someone's gaze go from benign to extremely concerned within your first two sentences. ("I'm sorry, did you say you slept 20 hours on Sunday?") Yes, I frequently sleep 20 hours on Sunday. Yes, that's weird. Bloody diagnose me with something already and give me enough pills so that I can function like a normal human being. Pretty please.

Have to create a chart now. :)

Astrology

Now, Lawrence, I know I shouldn't be pursuing astrology. However, I make the point that I think it doesn't count unless it's the real legitimate astrology followed by eastern religions. Thus, I make the point that this is an excellent site for astrology.
I also would like to make the point that people continue to live in areas that are heavily prone to natural disaster. It's sort of like building your house on the side of a volcano. Like, you can't seriously do something like that and then actually get on the news and complain and cry about it. Did you really not think something might happen? Do you honestly think that other people should have sympathy for you? I mean, how many other places could you have chosen to live?
Totally different subject, how does this pill boniva work that you only have to take it once a month? This is very mysterious to me. More later.

Bizarre theft

So evidently during the period of time my family was cleaning and organizing my apartment after my latest collapse and hospital visit, someone decided to take off with the bottle of sapphire gin. Now, this is not actually that big of a deal for me as I can't actually drink gin, but how odd is that? In other news, I need a new life plan. Any suggestions are welcome. Many thanks and have a delightful day.

leaving work

So I showed up at work today, tired and sore, but ready to work. Tragically, all my work had been divvied up amongst my compatriots, such that there was no work left for me to do. In addition, as I got around to entering my hours for last week, I realized I had billed more than 90, meaning I could go an entire week without work, without consequence. And I promptly left and made a stop by the grocery store. Am now considering whether to stop by Neimans and Burberrys to return gifts I don't particularly like. Am also wildly depressed, for some reason related to Friday's collapse. Unusual, because usually these collapses are invigorating. Think perhaps I will sleep instead and see if that makes me feel any better. Next up is copious amounts of alcohol.

Larry King

So I think Kathy Griffin is really growing on me. Her penchant for nonsense really matches nicely. Unrelated, these commercials for zyrtec are AWFUL. "They should put that on the label. Two hours you didn't have before" Seriously, barf-o-rama. A lot of problems there. Most obviously, there are no medications, and I mean none, that only last for two hours. Three is the minimum. Zyrtec, for example, knocks me out for at least 7 hours. It's also not "two hours you didn't have before" - you had those hours, they were just of a different quality. So it is a misstatement. Plus I'm pretty impervious to sleeping pills so if something is going to knock me out I don't see how it's adding to the quality of life for others. Also unrelated, gas prices must be a nightmare for people who drive. Can't imagine. Anyways, I continue my state of deep depression so I hope to be asleep soon. I've never had a deep depression from a passing out episode so I'm a little unprepared for this, particularly as things were going fine before. I'm just hoping not to take any drastic steps to compensate for this. It never ceases to amaze me, however, that there are not pills that you can take that automatically lift mood. There's got to be a huge potential market, so why isn't anyone coming up with these? Admittedly, pain killers actually do fit this profile but good luck getting pain killers for your depression. Time to make another attempt at bedtime...call if you've got my number to keep me reasonably balanced. xoxo

Passing Out

I have to make the point to the powers that be that I have had enough of this passing out nonsense. It's remarkable the way that your brain just gets totally fried. You can't answer simple questions for hours, and sometimes even days afterwards. You completely forget that things have occurred, meaning they are simply nowhere in your memory. And you have trouble moving and generally feel weak. Of course, there's that period where you lose consciousness. I just don't really follow what this is about. I'm not doing anything unusual, and these last two times I was seated, which makes this even stranger. The official diagnosis is syncope, which doesn't really mean anything other than that you passed out. I'm sufficiently tired again to go back to sleep...

Zzzzzzzzz

I am going back to bed. This is enormously tiring, existing....

The future depends on what we do in the present. - Mahatma Gandhi

Unrelated, I just ended up in the hospital again - this time when I passed out I hit something on the way down so there are broken blood vessels on my forehead and next to my eye. But for some reason, and it's the next day, my whole body is sore - I can barely walk. Not that I've left my apartment (exhausted and sore, in fact). This was a much shorter hospital stay than last time, I assume because it was the same hospital and we were there a few months ago and I told them to please pull the records. The people around us were like crying out in pain and stuff.
Another unrelated, when did CNN become so vapid? And where are all my friends? When will the mysteries end?

Oh, and the dead cat!

So to finish that story, my three-year old niece was finally told that the cat had gone to heaven, that heaven included people and animals and the cat was with god etc. So my niece thought about it for a while, came back and said that her imaginary friend had gone to heaven to be with the cat. Remarkably enough, however, a new imaginary friend came down from heaven to replace the old one. So now we have a new dinner companion to take elijah's seat.

Pandora

My experience with pandora has been challenging but ultimately it appears to finally be paying off, kind of like my experience selling multiple items per day on amazon. I was introduced to pandora some while ago but didn't begin to truly appreciate its benefits until the charger for my ipod broke and I faced the possibility of sometimes 18 hours straight of work without music or video, a concept that is akin to asking me to walk across hot coals. For 18 hours. So I've been on a single channel for a few weeks now, approving of and disapproving of individual songs. For a while it was like the people at pandora were playing opposite day games and all the songs were ridiculously awful. But now that I've actually identified nearly every song they play that is acceptable I finally have a good play list. So I guess it's a tepid review. You have to either have great patience or ADD that multiple doctors refuse to diagnose (sigh...).

Weather

So you get up in the morning, start rummaging through your closet and realize, wait, I need to know what the weather is first (plus I need to know which coat (if any) to wear and whether an umbrella is necessary). Thus, every morning I turn on my television to the weather channel (sadly, often when I turn on the television the weather channel is already on because I watch so little tv but that's a different tale of woes) and I wait patiently for "local on the 8s." Unfortunately I'm not exactly patient - the issue is more that I sort of constantly need to be getting things done and multi-tasking - so sometimes I'll miss the next "local on the 8s" and sometimes this leads me to need to turn on my computer and reach out to weather.com. And here's where my complaint arises - weather.com provides totally irrelevant (albeit meterologically accurate) information. For example, I don't really care about the chance of precipitation - I want to know if I need to bring an umbrella. So what I really need to know is, will it rain during hours I will be outside and will it be heavy and long-lasting rain. I also don't need the temperature so much as an analysis of what kind of coat would be most appropriate. For example, it said it was 40 today and it felt like 70. I mean, that's totally misleading from a coat-choice perspective. The best way to judge these things is actually to see what people who have already left their houses and are wandering the streets are wearing. Unfortunately I can't see that far down so that is no longer an option for me (I used to wait for like 10 minutes in paris for someone to walk past my window in the morning...)

Spam scammers reach beyond Africa..."I have an obscured business suggestion for you"

Here is the latest. I post it as it deviates from the standard formula somewhat and the tone makes me laugh. The from e-mail address is UK, the address you are meant to reply to is a Hong Kong e-mail, and yet, oddly, the e-mail claims to originate from Russia.


"GREETING FROM RUSSIA"
To:
mrslarisasosnit07@yahoo.com.hk
Subject:
FOR YOUR KIND ATTENTION !!!
Date:
Sat, 10 May 2008 12:48:37 +0000 (GMT)

Mrs. Larisa Sosnitskaya
Personal treasurer to former C.E.O of
Yukos Oil Company and Bank Menatep,
31A, Dubininskaya St.115054 Moscow ,
Russia

FOR YOUR KIND ATTENTION !!!

It is understandable that you might be a little bit apprehensive
because you do not know me but I have a lucrative business proposal of mutual
interest to share with you as partners. I got your reference in my
search for someone who suits my proposed business relationship.

I am Mrs. Larisa Sosnitskaya, personal treasurer to Mr. Mikhail
Khordokovsky Former C.E.O of Yukos Oil Company and Bank Menatep here in
Russia. I have an obscured business suggestion for you. I will need you to
assist me in executing a business project from Russia to your country. It
involves the transfer of a large sum of funds over US$46(forty six)
million Dollars. Already the funds have left the shore of Russia to a
European Bank where the final crediting is expected to be carried out.
Everything concerning this transaction shall be legally done without
hitch. Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters
concerning this issue.

But in summary, the funds come in via Bank Menatep to a more secured
Bank in Europe . This is a legitimate transaction. All I need from you is
to stand as the new beneficiary of the above quoted Sum and I will
re-profile the funds with your name, which will enable the European bank
transfer the sum to you. Then once the funds have been successfully
transferred into your account, you will be paid 20% for your "management
fees, please take note?

I will prefer you reach me on my private email address
(mrslarisasosnit07@yahoo.com.hk).

As Soon as I confirm your readiness to partner and assist me on the
transaction, I will provide you with the full details contain therein and
my identification
.
NB: I advice you read more of this ordeal from


http://www.supportmbk.com
http://newsfromrussia.com/main/2003/11/13/51215.html
http://mikhail_khodorkovsky_society.blogspot.com/

Please if you are not interested delete this email and do not hunt me
because I am putting my career and the life of my family at stake with
this venture. Although nothing ventured is nothing gained.

Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Kind Regards,

Mrs. Larisa Sosnitskaya
(mrslarisasosnit07@yahoo.com.hk)

Alternative to common sense

I'm not sure if this is a recent development or what, but it turns out that I have to do the exact opposite of normal people when food shopping, e.g., I need to shop when hungry. I just returned from another post-lunch shopping trip and have a bag full of junk food, primarily sweet. So there are two possibilities. One is that I have to shop hungry. The other is that I need to make lists before I go and follow them. Neither may present a legitimate possibility.

Sadness and Cats

So on Friday my family/brother's cat died. It was the second identical cat with the same name to die (although we're talking 16 years apart and the second one sometimes had "II" appended to his name). Now I don't particularly like cats: I have allergies, they spread scary diseases to an extent that isn't even fully known yet (sorry that that's a weird cached link - I am still sleepy although in throes of insomnia again - see Fight Club for a wonderful description of what insomnia is like - although I don't have the same stamina and end up sleeping at random times and suddenly being wide-awake instead of just going days without sleep)
, and this particular cat bit me not that long ago. Given my paranoia about getting diseases from animals and the fact that I was trying to help him feel better about my brother's absence (my brother and the cat are very close) this was a notable occasion.
So I otherwise wouldn't be writing about it. But as my mother was telling me this she started going through the cat's last 24 hours. It was heart-wrenching. The cat had played tea with my three-year old niece a couple times, they had read some books together, run around playing and then, the cat was found dead splayed across my niece's toys.
I'm assuming that my niece's limited vocabulary will limit her from reading this post as they haven't told her yet. I'm worried how she'll take it. When her imaginary friend went to talk to god for a while she got very teary-eyed as she briefly told us about it and then refused to talk any further for the rest of the evening. We thought that meant he was dead but he actually came back with a new car so who knows.

The other thing about it is that a lot of weird things have been happening to me lately, like my phone suddenly erasing all its information, things randomly exploding etc. So when the cat died (and I noticed a hole in the pocket of my jacket, I know small but all these other small things have been adding up like vivid/lucid dreams that I am acting out) I started worrying again - these pockets of weirdness bother me. A close and trusted friend has suggested demons are haunting me. This would not surprise me. The obvious question would be why. But I will explore that later.
(back to try to sleep again)