Sadness

So I am ill. It is one of those really bad illnesses that just goes on forever and you wonder if you'll ever feel better and you start to cancel plans that are like 4 days in the future, even though you've already been sick for 5 days and a 9 day illness seems very unlikely and clearly grounds for a hospital stay. This one is particularly pernicious for two reasons: 1) it is a recurring illness that causes one's brain to be totally fried and 2) the other symptoms are constantly changing and suddenly getting worse and then better. It's this crazy roller coaster ride. For example, I was doing fine being delirious and unable to sit up and then suddenly, my stomach feels like I dropped a tub of acid into it. Or I become convinced I live in a different country. Or I alternate between being incredibly hot and incredibly cold. Right now I am concentrating on keeping down a 1/16th of a bottle of gatorade. It is very very difficult. Which of course will mean that I won't eat anything today because there is no way I'll keep down any food, which will make me weaker, which will make things worse. Not that I really have any food. Well I guess I have about 50 frozen chicken breasts but that would be such a sad meal because I wouldn't be able to put anything on it b.c. my stomach couldn't handle it. Not just eating 50 frozen chicken breasts. That would, well, I'm not even sure what the outcome of that would be. I doubt I could eat 50 chicken breasts in one sitting, even if vomiting were allowed. I think I would collapse long before the end. Okay getting too dizzy.