Self-control

I logged on here because I suddenly became convinced that I had published about something I shouldn't have, given my readership. And had to thoroughly search to confirm that no, I had not been idiotic enough to put up here those particular thoughts and that they either went in an e-mail or were part of some conversation. The fact that I can't distinguish in my memory between different forms of communication is rather interesting in and of itself - it means my memory is treating me posting something here as the equivalent of having a face-to-face discussion with someone, which probably says something very profound about how much I actually get out of face-to-face interactions (in general, some, obviously, would not be confused with a blog post). But the more important lesson is self-control and that I need to re-establish the filter between my brain and my mouth/fingers. Not a strength of mine. Not something I would list on my resume. But, perhaps of course, I would argue that there is great value in lacking a certain amount of self-control because it allows you to explore things that others would be fearful of. The predictability of those with strong self-control limits their ability to add to the world and to improve their own lives. Plus they're boring and tend to be condescending (ABSOLUTELY with no right whatsoever). Now that I'm done attacking half of America I'll go back to resting up...

"Dr. House is not a firm believer in strict adherence to hard work"

I had forgotten how much I love House until last night. My obsession with all things medical obviously is a bonus but it's really his remarkable attitude problem and total disrespect for authority that draws me to the show. The only reason I'd forgotten is that I realized that, unlike other things I like, I only need to watch House episodes once, i.e., nothing is gained from watching them multiple times whereas other shows can be better understood and appreciated with multiple viewings. Ergo, I haven't watched House in probably a year, because I also only like to watch multiple shows at once. So last night was a rather delightful dip back into his crazy-competent waters. I appreciate his drug addiction, his bizarre obsessions with certain women and inability to deal with others, his total self-obsession, to the point where the life of others is in danger, really just everything that is appalling about his personal character. The rejection of traditional rules is really the key.

Multiple Arrests

I am pretty impressed with this fellow who has been arrested 1,000 times. They don't quite cover it in the video, but the question then really is, what percentage of the time are you in jail versus out of jail. I mean, this guy must know the system inside and out.
For example, I assume he is up on this evidently common prison trick of getting seroquel for kicks. It seems like a stretch but I have no idea what seroquel does so maybe it's the best drug ever invented or something. Who knows.

People in public places who stand or move slowly where other people could move should be shot and killed

It is totally and completely unacceptable for people to walk slowly. I don't know how much that has to be expanded upon because it's painfully obvious but I will try later on.

More...

To continue my saga, I go over to the neighbor, simply to ask, how long will this be going on? I do this wearing the B'nai Mitzvah flannel pants from some twins in my brother's class and a worn out Stanford sweatshirt and mismatched socks. She begins violently gesturing and babbling quickly in something that simply is not a language. I repeat my question more slowly and clearly, hoping I will at least get something resembling some language I'm familiar with, and considering that's everything except African languages, I have a pretty good shot. But she continues on in her nonsense "language" and points at the door across the hall. At which point I notice that I am actually still hearing the noise, but much more softly. So I can't figure out, is she paid by the person in that apartment to do construction or is that person actually doing the construction. But the latter is an impossibility given how loud it was in my apartment. So there must be construction going on in both apartments. But I don't care about the other apartment so her pointing there is what is throwing me off. I'm thinking the head person must be working there. I think she just went on her lunch break so I'll hassle the head fellow when she comes back and the sound of a drill boring into my head starts again.

Communal Living

When I lived in London, I worked with this total asshole who in response to my complaints about the unbelievable amount of noise the people who lived above me made commented, well, that's what you get for living in communal housing. As though I'd chosen to live in an apartment in east london with hypodermic needles outside the front door over a house in the suburbs just for kicks. I thought of this today because the asshole who lives next door to me is evidently building one of those wooden play homes from scratch, as far as I can tell from the amount and type of noise coming from next door. I mean, what the fuck? This has been going on for two days and seriously, you would think they were building an apartment from scratch over there. Then in the afternoon, the jerk plays music. I need to do two things: 1) chill out a little bit about this temporarily and 2) move into the other room and sleep on the couch and forgo my extravagant mattress. But seriously, I am going to ask him how long this is going to last because I am very ill and this is unacceptable.

Sadness

So I am ill. It is one of those really bad illnesses that just goes on forever and you wonder if you'll ever feel better and you start to cancel plans that are like 4 days in the future, even though you've already been sick for 5 days and a 9 day illness seems very unlikely and clearly grounds for a hospital stay. This one is particularly pernicious for two reasons: 1) it is a recurring illness that causes one's brain to be totally fried and 2) the other symptoms are constantly changing and suddenly getting worse and then better. It's this crazy roller coaster ride. For example, I was doing fine being delirious and unable to sit up and then suddenly, my stomach feels like I dropped a tub of acid into it. Or I become convinced I live in a different country. Or I alternate between being incredibly hot and incredibly cold. Right now I am concentrating on keeping down a 1/16th of a bottle of gatorade. It is very very difficult. Which of course will mean that I won't eat anything today because there is no way I'll keep down any food, which will make me weaker, which will make things worse. Not that I really have any food. Well I guess I have about 50 frozen chicken breasts but that would be such a sad meal because I wouldn't be able to put anything on it b.c. my stomach couldn't handle it. Not just eating 50 frozen chicken breasts. That would, well, I'm not even sure what the outcome of that would be. I doubt I could eat 50 chicken breasts in one sitting, even if vomiting were allowed. I think I would collapse long before the end. Okay getting too dizzy.

Down Comforters

It has always been a great fascination of mine that for some inexplicable reason, Scandinavians are able to make top quality, warm but never too warm, absolutely perfect down comforters while Americans can only seem to make crap that I'm allergic to and out of which feathers come immediately and which are never warm enough. I mean, can it really be that hard to make a decent comforter? And why in the world are we not just importing their products when they are far superior? You seriously can't find that quality in the states. I honestly think there must be some kind of conspiracy behind it.

Egg

Egg has to be one of the grossest things that exists. So why, oh why, do asian restaurants insist that you want egg on your food, even when you very clearly say you don't? Or in, the latest and by far grossest incarnation, provide you with a separate small plastic container of egg to add to your food after you have said that you don't want any egg three times in a short conversation. It is the sickest thing I have ever seen and I am certain that it will haunt my dreams tonight.

Best TV show ever

Arrested Development. It is funny, b.c. a friend recently mentioned it to me in the context of, oh, have you ever seen this and it's kind of akin to asking someone if he/she has ever seen his/her big toe. I've watched this show nearly every day for the past few years and know absolutely everything about it. And it is brilliant. I don't claim it's for everyone. If, for example, you like that Everybody likes Raymond or whatever it's called show, don't bother looking this one up. Although you should bother checking to see whether you have a pulse and you might need a neurological workup. Sorry, I'm feisty today. A headache that won't go away...

Nudist Beach

I am going to steal the text of this from a friend as I personally have never been to a nudist beach: "on the nudist beach, it's actually really cool because it's like going to a place where you KNOW that everyone there is going to be openminded. i mean, 90+% of the time, the people who are naked are not the people you wanna see naked, and mostly older. but still, you know that the nude people and, more importantly, those who purposely went there, are going to be cooler than the "family" section. I wish there was more demarkation of that sort in general. i mean, i don't want to be around closeminded people....the less i have to see them the better, right? "

The really interesting part about the analysis is that what it touches is the essence of the people, which is somehow "ironic" because in our society the nudity should take precedence in terms of what one would pay attention to. But clothes are just this odd construction of society (apart from cold places where such things were needed) that forces us to feel as though our bodies should look a certain way and we shouldn't allow people to see certain parts of ourselves. But it's terribly odd because it's not based on anything. I mean, I can think of a million reasons why the clothing industry would develop and thrive, but none of them could justify the legal consequences for going about without clothing. All of it is commercial, it's all about money, and I know I'm being naive even for the super-naive version of myself, but politics are meant to do good, not to help industry.
The main reason I feel odd about this conclusion that I'm drawing is that the Germans are particularly fond of nudity in general (beaches, camps etc.) and despite all my work to overcome my bias against the Germans, I still harbor a slight bias. Although to my credit, it has to do with their current weirdness and not their actions in WWII, as was previously the case.
But there is something deeper about assuring that we not allow people to be nude in society. It gives away too much. It allows you to be too much yourself. It doesn't hide enough. It doesn't make you similar enough to other people. To go back to the 80s or 90s, it doesn't provide you with full Gap outfits with matching tops, bottoms and even socks. It says, we really aren't conformists, but individuals. And government, society, is scared to death of individuals. And that's the real basis, the fear of reality, the fear of rebellion. Because once people realize they are individuals and not cogs, there is inevitably rebellion.

The inevitable end of the world

http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/09/07/business/fannie.php


Also thanks to all who have written to me with concern over the past few days. I am still alive and still working. And still watching Wes Anderson movies in the background.