Monday, June 30, 2008

Profound question

How much longer can I continue to wake up in the morning? It seems increasingly less likely and all obvious problems go along with that, but it seems as though my body has taken over and said, sorry, but I simply am not going to be able to work more than a 5 hours work day. This is extremely disturbing to me. I need to work like 12. So the disparity is a significant one.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Neimans v. Saks

Now, over the years the quality of these stores has changed dramatically. The way the salespeople approach you, how they sell to you, the frequency with which they provide their business cards, their suggestions for other purchases that don't necc. need but they you think about later and say, well maybe, yes, that is something I need...It's a little unfair to lump Neimans under here but Neimans has been on this downward spiral so I feel that it is somewhat justified. Saks died some time ago - of course, to be fair, my only shopping experiences since October have been with returning gifts.
My only point here is that, well, I'm exhausted again. We wait with rapid anticipation for me to get a diagnosis of narcolepsy. But for now. Back to bed. I mean, it is 9:30 am. Understandable that would need to go back to sleep...

North Korea

So while I think it's great and all that Christiane Amanpour has gotten access to this closed-off country and is broadcasting what she has learned around the world (and as a side-bar, I have infinite respect for Christiane as she is basically the only person on CNN who is a legitimate journalist) it sort of begs the question of, who cares? I mean, at the end of the day, North Korea is just another silly country stuck like 50+ years in the past and that oppresses its citizens and pulls crap like those parades of tanks and military personnel through the streets. Seriously, when you have to parade your defense system through the streets and broadcast it on international news, aren't you really defeating the purpose of having a defense system? Obviously, unless you are scared to death that someone is going to attack you, this just lets everyone know exactly where your strengths and weaknesses are and how to exploit them.
I'm a little biased against Korea in general due to a dispute a roommate and I had in London over the second gulf war (she was South Korean). We were watching the coverage in the first few days and she was basically all, the U.S. is going to get destroyed. And for me, that was kind of like saying, all major banking corporations will collapse in the next three days. Like, madness. And I sort of let it go, because it seemed so wildly off-kilter, but when the U.S. didn't go crashing down, she didn't take it well. I, on the other hand, being younger and less careful about my safety, promptly began traveling every weekend as prices were low. And to places like Istanbul. By myself. But what really got me was that she didn't give up on the downfall of the U.S. Now, I like the U.S. like anyone else, not really nutso about it, but I don't appreciate it when people we've spent massive amounts of money, people and general effort on over the past 50+ years are totally indifferent to our safety and our attempts to improve the quality of the world. So in sum, I don't get where the South Koreans get off with this anti-American attitude, given that their country, as they know it, wouldn't exist but for us. I mean, maybe we just live in an era now where people have no sense of decency, I don't know.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Annoying things

1) People who let their young children scream in public places. They should be shot on sight.
2) People who send you the same e-mail three times in a row. (LAS - I will be separately pointing this out to you)
3) Many, many programs on tv. Far too many to list. There are basically only a handful of acceptable ones.
4) Getting a credit card bill for half your salary when your only expenses are your rent, your phone and the supermarket.
5) Having an apartment that does not warm up in the summer. I still have to wear socks. This despite it getting unbearably cold during the winter.
More after I get some caffeine in me....

Friday, June 27, 2008

Advice from friends

Received this advice today, had to share: "seriously, wouldn't you rather try becoming a prostitute in moscow?"

Caloric intake question

If you just drink alcohol and take vitamins, do you think you're okay? you get the calories through the alcohol and the nutrients through the vitamins. In theory it seems like it would work, but somehow you know in practice there would be problems.... (thanks for Laurence for not responding for turning this into a post)

More on elevators

Today the elevator I was in (after a harrowing day best left forgotten over a bottle of wine) stopped two floors short of my destination, without opening the doors. I was alone in the elevator. Interestingly, I just totally calmly pushed and held the button for my floor until the elevator went there. I was subsequently surprised by my total lack of fear etc. at the elevator stoppage. I wonder why I didn't care. Or maybe it was just that I remained calm in the face of stress. Who knows. But it was definitely a little on the weird side.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Floor confusion

Does everyone else have the same problem, that even after being in the same places for a year, every time you get in the elevator, you have a pause and quickly rack you brain as to which floor you press in this particular elevator?

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

EKGs

So the reason I find EKGs funny is that whenever I go to the doctor, they can't be bothered to remove all the sticky things they've attached. So for days afterwards, I will randomly find my pajamas sticking to the mid-part of my thigh and am all, what is this...and it is a random sticky black thing. The worst is when you come home, go to sleep, wake up, go to bathroom, and feel this slight uncomfortableness all around your chest. And you start feeling around and are all, what's this? because you don't remember clearly (if you're me) because you were knocked unconscious, maybe had a seizure etc. and so you don't remember anyone sticking anything on your chest. And you unbutton your pajama top and there are like 20 random sticky things all over the place. In very compromising places, I might add. So you take them off, but you feel a bit dirty, both about someone having put them there, but also, weirdly, about them having been there at all.
But even more entertaining is the earlier referenced part, when you keep finding these things for days afterwards. Because they actually put them all over your body but (if you're like me) you don't remember b.c. your brain is fried. So you'll wonder why your pajamas are falling in this unusual pattern, but you're not functional enough to check (brain still fried) for at least a couple days, when you finally uncover the random sticky thing. And the several others that surround it.
And I think it begs the question, I mean, if you are messed up enough that you are in the hospital and having this test done, shouldn't they get all these things off you so you're not confused about weird forces in the universe pulling at your clothes for like a week afterwards? Isn't there some sense of humanity that fits in there? Comments, as always, welcome.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Favorite story of the year

So a female family friend who is Jewish is married to a Catholic. The first year they were dating, on Christmas eve they went to his parents' house. He wanted her to have gifts to unwrap like everyone else so he went and bought things for her. Then, at the office, he noticed that a Jewish colleague had some wrapping paper by his desk. So he asked him, is that for Hanukkah? He said yes, so the now-Husband asked if he could use it, was told yes, and so he wrapped the presents in the paper. Christmas eve he gave the presents to our Jewish friend and she said to him, what kind of wrapping paper is this? He says, it's for Hanukkah. She says, no, this is for Kwanzaa, it says salaam and has the candles. He says, I thought it said shalom and that was a menorah.
He went back to his Jewish colleague, complaining about what had happened and said, I thought you said you were a jew - to which he responded - I said I was a jew, I didn't say I was a good jew.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Time warp

So I just woke up thinking it was 8am. I began preparingly accordingly, as today, unlike most other days, I actually have something to do, i.e., attend my brother's college graduation. Only about 20 minutes into the "day" did I realize that in fact it was 8pm and I had only slept a few hours. Thus instead I went to whole foods and bought an onigiri rice ball, which I hate, I know I hate from multiple, multiple experiences in japan. So who knows why I bought it and promptly ate it. The world is full of mysteries.

Friday, June 20, 2008

OH, la vie....

1. Why are the rubber bands in the copy room too small to go around papers?
2. When was the last time you heard Ani DiFranco?
3. Isn't it kind that the phone company will let you change your phone number for free if the change is due to harassment (otherwise the cost is $25)?
4. You know how you start thinking that the answer to Fridays and how painful they seem would be to do away with Fridays but then you realize it's a sliding scale and you'd eventually have to get rid of all work days and then you wouldn't be able to pay your rent and stupidly you chose to live somewhere where a roof is a necessity?
5. Does Tab energy drink seem somehow like you're just drinking cancer cells?
6. Why do my plants always die as soon as possible?
7. Why do people write nice notes and then write mean ones without intervening event?
8. Isn't it unfair that I went to a school where people were concerned I would be kidnapped such that my fingerprints are in the police database and so I wouldn't be able to get away with a crime, unlike someone whos safety was no one's concern?

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Radio

is awful. I include this to encompass my earlier tepid endorsement of pandora. The only radio that really works is the one that turns on in your head after you haven't slept for 72 (maybe less, I forget exactly) hours. It plays precisely the music you want to hear, when you want to hear it. And amazingly, it knows all the words and notes to songs you've only heard once. The brain is a magnificent being. There must be a way to harness that ability to make our lives better, as opposed to having to live this mediocre existence. Oy.

People who keep chats off the record...

Freak me out. Why in the world are you concerned that a casual chat with one of your friends is going to cause some dramatic problem in the future? What's going to happen to your explanation of what happened to you at work that day? Who are you imagining cares? And then it just makes me think that this person is up to some horrific nefarious affair that I am going to end up being associated with because I chatted with him. Like seriously, it seems like only a serial killer would need to take a chat off the record. I would appreciate hearing other opinions. bisous.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Blackberry password...

is going to be the death of me. I'd like to have a serious discussion about the necessity of this implementation. I mean, somehow the secrets of the company weren't released to the general public during all the time I've gone sans password. How was this magic achieved?!?
Okay yes I'm just being obnoxious and bitter. And remarkably, only over one faulty attempt at entering the password late last night. Imagine if I had a serious problem getting into it? I probably would have staged a protest by now.
Apart from that, I don't think I can listen to any of the music on my ipod anymore. It inevitably ends up depressing the hell out of me.
Oh and I packed far too many green beans for lunch. I'm thinking this will be today and tomorrow's lunch.

TV

World's best television show ever - Lifetime's Fat Like Me. This is so hysterically intense I almost can't stand it.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Today's second doctor's visit...

"Well of course, because you're a lawyer you would know this is insurance fraud."
"Um, well, actually that's entirely outside my area of expertise. Basically anything that doesn't have to do with getting debt for a company is news to me. And soon taxation. But for now, just debt."

I must say, however, that I am determined to make it through the end of the day, that being a matter of hours away. I don't know how I am going to do it, but it is going to get done. I think with the help of stimulants.

Tomorrow is a day off from doctor's visits, rather exciting really not to be describing your everyday life and have someone's gaze go from benign to extremely concerned within your first two sentences. ("I'm sorry, did you say you slept 20 hours on Sunday?") Yes, I frequently sleep 20 hours on Sunday. Yes, that's weird. Bloody diagnose me with something already and give me enough pills so that I can function like a normal human being. Pretty please.

Have to create a chart now. :)

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Astrology

Now, Lawrence, I know I shouldn't be pursuing astrology. However, I make the point that I think it doesn't count unless it's the real legitimate astrology followed by eastern religions. Thus, I make the point that this is an excellent site for astrology.
I also would like to make the point that people continue to live in areas that are heavily prone to natural disaster. It's sort of like building your house on the side of a volcano. Like, you can't seriously do something like that and then actually get on the news and complain and cry about it. Did you really not think something might happen? Do you honestly think that other people should have sympathy for you? I mean, how many other places could you have chosen to live?
Totally different subject, how does this pill boniva work that you only have to take it once a month? This is very mysterious to me. More later.

Bizarre theft

So evidently during the period of time my family was cleaning and organizing my apartment after my latest collapse and hospital visit, someone decided to take off with the bottle of sapphire gin. Now, this is not actually that big of a deal for me as I can't actually drink gin, but how odd is that? In other news, I need a new life plan. Any suggestions are welcome. Many thanks and have a delightful day.

Monday, June 09, 2008

leaving work

So I showed up at work today, tired and sore, but ready to work. Tragically, all my work had been divvied up amongst my compatriots, such that there was no work left for me to do. In addition, as I got around to entering my hours for last week, I realized I had billed more than 90, meaning I could go an entire week without work, without consequence. And I promptly left and made a stop by the grocery store. Am now considering whether to stop by Neimans and Burberrys to return gifts I don't particularly like. Am also wildly depressed, for some reason related to Friday's collapse. Unusual, because usually these collapses are invigorating. Think perhaps I will sleep instead and see if that makes me feel any better. Next up is copious amounts of alcohol.

Larry King

So I think Kathy Griffin is really growing on me. Her penchant for nonsense really matches nicely. Unrelated, these commercials for zyrtec are AWFUL. "They should put that on the label. Two hours you didn't have before" Seriously, barf-o-rama. A lot of problems there. Most obviously, there are no medications, and I mean none, that only last for two hours. Three is the minimum. Zyrtec, for example, knocks me out for at least 7 hours. It's also not "two hours you didn't have before" - you had those hours, they were just of a different quality. So it is a misstatement. Plus I'm pretty impervious to sleeping pills so if something is going to knock me out I don't see how it's adding to the quality of life for others. Also unrelated, gas prices must be a nightmare for people who drive. Can't imagine. Anyways, I continue my state of deep depression so I hope to be asleep soon. I've never had a deep depression from a passing out episode so I'm a little unprepared for this, particularly as things were going fine before. I'm just hoping not to take any drastic steps to compensate for this. It never ceases to amaze me, however, that there are not pills that you can take that automatically lift mood. There's got to be a huge potential market, so why isn't anyone coming up with these? Admittedly, pain killers actually do fit this profile but good luck getting pain killers for your depression. Time to make another attempt at bedtime...call if you've got my number to keep me reasonably balanced. xoxo

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Passing Out

I have to make the point to the powers that be that I have had enough of this passing out nonsense. It's remarkable the way that your brain just gets totally fried. You can't answer simple questions for hours, and sometimes even days afterwards. You completely forget that things have occurred, meaning they are simply nowhere in your memory. And you have trouble moving and generally feel weak. Of course, there's that period where you lose consciousness. I just don't really follow what this is about. I'm not doing anything unusual, and these last two times I was seated, which makes this even stranger. The official diagnosis is syncope, which doesn't really mean anything other than that you passed out. I'm sufficiently tired again to go back to sleep...

Zzzzzzzzz

I am going back to bed. This is enormously tiring, existing....

The future depends on what we do in the present. - Mahatma Gandhi

Unrelated, I just ended up in the hospital again - this time when I passed out I hit something on the way down so there are broken blood vessels on my forehead and next to my eye. But for some reason, and it's the next day, my whole body is sore - I can barely walk. Not that I've left my apartment (exhausted and sore, in fact). This was a much shorter hospital stay than last time, I assume because it was the same hospital and we were there a few months ago and I told them to please pull the records. The people around us were like crying out in pain and stuff.
Another unrelated, when did CNN become so vapid? And where are all my friends? When will the mysteries end?